6 Ways to Create Intention Within Your Relationships
Strong relationships take work and intention.
Unfortunately, a lot of the messaging we get around relationships makes it seem like they should happen easily and without intentional effort on our part.
Now, this doesn’t mean that your relationships should feel painful or difficult to exist within–you don’t want to be in constant conflict, especially if you can’t find a way to resolve the conflicts that continually come up. It means that melding lives together–which is what relationships do to various degrees–is something that can’t be done thoughtlessly.
And this isn’t just about romantic relationships–while those are obviously significant relationships in our lives, they’re just one pillar of our support system. Learning skills to strengthen different types of relationships and the safety and comfort you feel within them is key to making sure you don’t find yourself relying on just one person or relationship.
Here are 6 resources to help you create intention within your relationships:
Healthy and respected boundaries are an important element to every relationship.
Safety is cultivated within relationships when you and your partner, friend, coworker, family member, etc. feel comfortable to let one another know your needs and trust that they will be met with compassion and respect.
But setting and communicating boundaries isn’t a crystal clear process–especially as we’re not taught many intentional communication skills. Setting a boundary that is the right balance of rigid and soft takes practice, and it’s part of why boundaries are meant to be reconsidered regularly. Sometimes a boundary that was rigid can be softened after a while, or vice versa.
To help you be more intentional with setting, communicating and understanding other’s boundaries read:
Sometimes in relationships, the amount of effort one person puts in might be off balance with the amount of effort another person puts in.
While in general, relationships should feel reciprocal, part of life is understanding that sometimes people need more support than others at certain times. If in general the amount of effort in the relationship is equal, but occasionally someone else needs to step up and do more for the other person, that’s not necessarily a sign that things are bad in the relationship, and can actually be a sign of strength. When you feel secure that your needs will still matter and be met but you’re able to put them aside when your partner/friend/loved one shows you that they need a little more support at the moment, it shows trust in the relationship.
An example of this is looking out for when your partner/friend/loved one may be struggling with their mental health. For tips on how to do this, read:
Living with other people, even people you really love, is hard.
It’s important to take the step of living with someone with intention–will your lives be enriched by sharing a space, or will it be better for the relationship to have separate spaces. Communicating before you move in together gives you a chance to understand each other’s expectations and try to head off unnecessary conflict. Big changes like moving can bring up complicated feelings, so it’s important to be on the same page whenever possible.
Practicing having these kinds of conversations before you move in together will help set you up to communicate effectively throughout your relationship. For help with this, read:
Conflict exists in every relationship.
Whether it’s romantic, familial, or platonic, everyone carries their own history, traumas, triggers, and patterns into a relationship, and that can bring about miscommunications, hurt feelings, and conflict. But conflict itself doesn’t mean the relationship is unhealthy, it just needs to be used as an opportunity to be vulnerable and honest.
With compassion and intentionality, conflict can actually be a road that leads you to a stronger, more intimate connection. For help on how to do this, read:
If you’re struggling with creating intention and safety within your relationships, our therapists at Anchor Counseling New York can help you explore solutions that work for your situation. Our therapists are accepting new clients - schedule an appointment today to get started.
Blog authors all hold positions at Anchor Counseling. For more information about our therapists and services please contact us.
