7 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Self-Respect

Do you respect yourself?

For many of us, the answer isn’t clear. Learning how to respect yourself can seem like a pointless endeavor when you’re struggling. 

What is self-respect? 

Self-respect refers to the way that you treat yourself. It’s about viewing yourself as an individual worthy of dignity, and about sticking up for the values that are important to you. 

While self-respect is related to self esteem, self-compassion, and self-confidence, it is distinct. Self-esteem is the way that you feel about yourself, whereas self-respect is how you act on those feelings. Self-compassion is about treating yourself with kindness, even when you mess up or fail, and self-confidence is the belief you have in your own abilities. These traits can all influence each other. If your self-confidence is low, it probably impacts the way you feel about yourself. If you struggle to be kind to yourself, it might be hard to feel respect toward yourself. 

Thankfully, these are not fixed traits. You can improve your level of self-respect by understanding what’s important to you and acting in alignment with those values. Over time, improving your level of self-respect can help you feel better about yourself overall, improving your self-esteem. 

Why do people often struggle with self-respect?

If you struggle with self-respect, you’re not alone. Many folks struggle with self-respect, for a variety of reasons. If someone has experienced rejection or criticism in their past, that can influence the way they treat themselves. Many people who struggle with self-respect deal with the pressure of feeling like they have to be perfect, and as such, judge themselves very harshly. 

Sometimes people’s sense of respect for themselves is impacted by toxic or abusive relationships where they were made to feel worthless. There are also societal messages that lead many of us to feel like we’re not worthy of respect. For example, think about the messages that young LGBTQ+ individuals may have internalized in the last few years - that they’re different, dangerous, not worthy of care or respect, etc. Hearing messages like those can take a toll on the way you feel about yourself and the way you treat yourself. 

This is why it’s so important to do what you can to improve your self-respect. When you work on the way you treat yourself, you can expect your relationships to become healthier, your confidence to improve, and even to feel a sense of accomplishment or fulfillment. 

If you’re interested in improving your self-respect, here’s where to start:

Narrow down your values 

Do you know what your main values are? It’s hard to live in alignment with what’s important to you when you don’t know what you value. Taking the time to narrow down the things that are important to you can help guide you as you work to improve your self-respect. 

Try searching for lists of common values, and add a star next to any that are important to you. Once you have a list of starred values, you can start to narrow them down to 5-10 main values to prioritize. There might be more that are important to you, but it’s not always possible to prioritize every value you find important. Narrowing down the list can help you direct your focus to where it will be most impactful.

Once you have your list of 5-10 values to focus on, consider how you can make more room for those things in your everyday life. If creativity is a value of yours, try to set aside time every week to flex your creative muscles and make some art. When you start to intentionally live in alignment with the things that are most important to you, it feels good. You’re honoring your authentic self, which can improve your overall level of self-respect. 

Treat yourself like you matter 

Self-respect is about how you treat yourself. So, how do you tend to treat yourself? Do you offer yourself the same care and consideration that you give to others? You are a person who is worthy of dignity and care, and your needs matter. 

Consider ways to improve the way you treat yourself that feel sustainable to you. Can you make it a priority to see that you’re getting enough nourishment every day? Do you get enough rest? Do you spend time doing things you enjoy regularly? Do you get regular checkups and take your meds? Can you make time to move your body in a way that feels good to you? All of these are ways to take care of the basic foundations of self-care.

If you have the basics covered, think about other ways to care for yourself that would feel good, like dressing in a way that makes you feel confident or that honors your self-expression, advocating for yourself at work and in relationships, and exploring hobbies that make you feel fulfilled. 

Consider your boundaries

Boundaries are a major building block for self-respect, because they help us maintain the relationships that are important to us. Boundaries help our relationships last over time, and having strong connections with others can influence the way we treat ourselves. Remember that boundaries aren’t about controlling what other people do. Instead, boundaries outline what you will do in certain situations. 

Sometimes, we implement boundaries and find that they’re not quite working. They might be too flexible, and therefore very difficult for us to enforce. When you struggle to enforce your own boundaries, it doesn’t feel great, and it can make you feel like people don’t respect you. Other boundaries might be too inflexible, and leave you feeling isolated. It might take some trial and error to find boundaries that help you feel both respected and connected, and that’s normal. 

Reflect on good things about yourself 

You’re probably a lot harder on yourself than you are on anyone else, and that can take a toll. One way to counteract this is to intentionally make time to reflect on the things you like about yourself regularly. It’s natural that you’re hard on yourself sometimes, but making space to highlight what’s going well can help you feel more balanced in the way you think about yourself. 

Try to think about things you like about yourself once a day. Make it a habit to recall the good things that happened to you throughout the day, the good or kind things that you did, anything you’re proud of yourself for, nice moments you experienced, or things that you’re grateful for from your day. You might be surprised at how thinking about the things you like about yourself for a few minutes a day can change the way you feel about and treat yourself!

Forgive yourself for mistakes in your past

We all have done things that we’re not proud of, or that we would do differently if we could. It’s natural to focus on moments like those, because they’re often highly emotional, and our brains have a tendency to focus on the negative, as a self-protection measure. However, dwelling on mistakes you’ve made in your past won’t actually help you treat yourself better. 

It’s okay to regret mistakes you’ve made, but it’s crucial to do what you can to learn from them and not repeat them in the future. That’s all you can do! You can’t go back in time and undo things, you can only act differently in the future. It’s a waste of time and energy to get stuck wishing you could fix a mistake from the past, so do what you can to learn from it and forgive yourself. 

Try new things

One way to feel better about yourself is to challenge yourself and try new things. You will likely be pleasantly surprised at how you rise to the challenge. It feels good to learn something new, and trying new things can help you find what you’re passionate about. You don’t have to be the best at it right away, but the sense of accomplishment and the boost of confidence you may feel after trying something new or mastering a new skill can help you remember that you’re a capable person worthy of dignity and respect. 

Work with a therapist

Improving the way you treat yourself can be overwhelming, and working with a therapist can help. In therapy, you’ll look for patterns that influence the way you feel about yourself, explore what values are most meaningful to you, and unpack the stories you tell yourself that make you feel unworthy. 

A therapist can offer personalized guidance, support, and perspective as you work to strengthen your level of self-respect. They can also help you develop coping strategies for moments of self-doubt and reinforce healthier thought patterns so you feel confident moving forward. 

Are you struggling with your self-respect? We can help. Our therapists at Anchor Counseling New York are accepting new clients - schedule an appointment today to get started.