5 Ways to Learn New Coping Skills
When things are tough, what do you do to cope?
The things you do make things easier during times when you’re emotionally distressed are your coping skills. We all rely on coping skills to help us get through emotionally distressing situations. When you’re upset or emotionally activated, it feels very uncomfortable. In moments of discomfort, it’s easy to turn to the coping skills you already know to try to lessen that discomfort. There are many different ways to learn about new coping skills so you can find strategies that work for you.
Sometimes coping skills are more focused on problem solving than on managing emotions in the moment. These problem solving skills can help when there’s something you want to change about a situation. Coping skills that focus on emotions help you regulate your emotions to help you feel better in the moment. Both types of coping skills are helpful to practice so that you can find ways to lower your distress when it comes up and have practical ways to approach situations that are upsetting you.
Everyone copes in different ways, which is why there are so many kinds of coping skills.
Supportive vs non-supportive coping skills
Often, the coping skills we fall back on are ones we used growing up or learned from others around us. Some coping skills are more supportive than others, and can actually make things harder in the long run.
For example, substance use is often a coping strategy that people use to help themselves feel less distressed. However, relying on substances may lead to other issues that cause more distress down the line. A more supportive coping strategy could be learning how to distract yourself from painful emotions so you can ride them out.
Coping skills take practice
Learning how to cope in more supportive ways when you’re emotionally activated or triggered can seem daunting. That’s because when we’re emotionally on alert, our ability to think clearly goes way down. Our brains are too busy scanning for threats to think rationally. In this state, it can be hard to remember things you can do to make yourself feel better.
The key is to practice your new coping skills when you’re not already overwhelmed. Practice and repetition will make your new skills feel like a habit, and make it less likely that you will forget what to do during a distressing moment. It might even be helpful to write out your new skills on a piece of paper or on notecards so you can access them quickly if you draw a blank.
You might be wondering where to learn these new coping skills. Here are 5 suggestions for ways to learn new coping skills that feel more supportive to you:
Read books and workbooks
Talking about mental health is becoming less stigmatized, which means there are more books than ever on mental health topics to explore. There are many helpful books out there from therapists and other mental health experts that can help you explore new ways to cope in distressing situations.
Not everyone is a reader, and that’s okay! If you’re into audiobooks, many popular books that are focused on mental health are available in an audio format so you can listen. Shorter form podcast interviews with the authors of mental health books can also be an informative way to learn about their ideas without having to dig into a book.
Mental health workbooks are also an interactive way to explore and implement new coping strategies. Look for workbooks that are aligned with a particular modality, like Dialectical Behavioral Therapy or Internal Family Systems to explore.
Go to a support group or workshop
Joining an online or in person support group can help expose you to new ways of thinking and give you ideas of things that have worked for others in your situation. Many therapy offices offer support groups or other mental health related workshops that are designed to teach skills and offer education. Some therapy practices even offer classes or workshops online so you can work on new coping skills from the comfort of your own home. See if there are any in your area that feel like a good fit for you, or explore groups that meet online if going in person isn’t your thing.
Look up reliable sources on social media
Social media can definitely be a mixed basket when it comes to factual information, so take this one with a warning to do your research and find reliable sources! However, there are a lot of really informative and educational mental health experts on social media who are doing the work to destigmatize therapy and teach skills that people can benefit from.
To make sure a source is reliable, make sure they have some sort of expertise like a degree or license in the field that is in good standing, and that they provide sources for the information they share.
Talk to people you care about
We all have to find ways to cope, and the people around you might have some insight or wisdom to offer on how they cope with difficult feelings. If you’re open to talking to others in your life about what’s going on, you may find it helpful to get some other perspectives on coping in difficult moments. Talking about dealing with tough mental health moments also helps to destigmatize mental health issues, which is a gift for everyone.
Work with a therapist
Therapy is another great way to learn and practice new coping skills that feel more supportive. Therapists can give you suggestions, provide education, offer new viewpoints, and be a resource for support in difficult moments. Taking the time to practice new coping skills in therapy can give you more chances to make them a habit, which will be helpful to you the next time you’re feeling distressed or emotionally activated.
If you’re looking to learn new coping skills, working with a therapist can help. Our therapists at Anchor Counseling New York can provide you with a safe and stable environment where you can explore coping skills that work for you. Our therapists are accepting new clients - schedule an appointment today to get started.
Blog authors all hold positions at Anchor Counseling. For more information about our therapists and services please contact us.
