Mind-Reading, Should Statements & Emotional Reasoning: 3 More Cognitive Distortions
Let’s review: what are negative thinking traps?
Negative thinking traps (or cognitive distortions) are errors, or negative patterns in our thinking processes. When trapped, our thought processes tend to overlook context, leave information out, or assign motivations with no evidence behind them.
In part one and part two of our deep dive into negative thinking traps we covered six common cognitive distortions:
All or nothing thinking: things are either good or bad; you’ve succeeded or you’ve failed
Catastrophizing: assigning big meaning to small issues; always assuming the worst possible outcome
Personalization: assigning yourself responsibility or blame for things that don’t have anything to do with you
Mental filtering: when what you allow yourself to notice goes through a filter where any positive or neutral information is left out, leaving only negatives
Fortune-telling: predicting the outcome of a future event–while only taking negative factors into account
Control fallacy: There are two versions of the control fallacy:
One is a fallacy of hypercontrol, where you are in control of everything so anything and everything that happens is your responsibility and fault
The other is a fallacy of complete lack of control, where you feel so out of control that you take no responsibility and blame external forces for how things turn out
Today we’re going to explore three more:
Mind-reading
Should statements
Emotional reasoning
Mind-reading:
What it is:
Mind reading is a type of cognitive distortion where your thought process and reasoning assumes that you already know what someone else is thinking, how they will react or respond, or what they will say to you. Sometimes, people interpret body language and assume that certain movements, postures, and expressions show what a person is thinking–but furrowed brows could just as easily indicate someone with a headache, someone concentrating, someone struggling to read, as they do someone being upset with you. We also sometimes assume we know someone well enough to know what they’re going to say or think–but we’re operating from inside our own heads, which is a very biased perspective! The only way to actually find out what someone will say or do, is to give them the opportunity to say or do it themselves.
What to do about it:
Ask yourself: is this something I know, or something I’m guessing? Am I assuming this behavior or thought or motivation from someone else because it’s something I’m most worried about? Why am I so worried about this response or behavior?
It can also be helpful to ask yourself what the cost of believing what the cognitive distortion is telling you versus the benefit of getting true clarity. What would it mean to believe it and stay trapped in a negative thought pattern? What would it mean to give yourself a chance to build a newer, better pattern?
Should statements:
What it is:
Our expectations for ourselves become impossibly high, and begin to function as hard and fast rules. When we don’t meet these expectations, we see ourselves as having failed, and find ways to blame ourselves for that failure. I should have done this or I should have done that or I should never do this again. The thinking behind should statements is similar to the pattern behind all or nothing thinking, where there is no gray area or context that allows us to “fall short” or find value in just experiencing. We either succeed or fail, and when we fail we take it as evidence we’ll always fail.
What to do about it:
Learn to notice the word should when it comes up. Where is this should coming from? What rule or expectation was set, and was it fair? Is it a standard everyone is held to, or only you as a form of emotional punishment? When you notice the word should coming up, try to ask yourself why? Just this brief interruption can help you stop the shame that usually comes with the word should, and investigate where the pressure is coming from.
Emotional reasoning:
What it is:
Emotional reasoning is simply when we use our emotions as reasoning. No matter what we’re feeling or what may have influenced those feelings, we believe our feelings are evidence of the truth. In other words, no matter what the evidence around us says, our feelings convince us something is true.
What to do about it:
Feelings are important information, they’re just not always facts. What that means is they tell us more about ourselves and our own emotional needs than they do about the reality around us. It’s important to notice your feelings, and explore them when they get big, but it’s important to remember that just because something feels true doesn’t mean it is true. Try to sit with your feelings with curiosity–when did the feeling come up? What may have influenced it? How could this feeling have influenced how you noticed and interpreted the world around you?
If you’re looking to learn new ways to cope with negative thinking traps, working with a therapist can help. Our therapists at Anchor Counseling New York can help you explore coping skills that work for your situation. Our therapists are accepting new clients - schedule an appointment today to get started.
Blog authors all hold positions at Anchor Counseling. For more information about our therapists and services please contact us.
